LAKE CHARLES, LA – At a campaign rally in Louisiana this week, US President Donald Trump publicly asked the Martians to vaporize Democratic presidential hopeful Elizabeth Warren, in what some consider to be a breach of ethics. Trump has previously asked Russia to meddle in the US elections, the Ukraine to dig up dirt on Joe Biden, and China to freeze Bernie Sanders in carbonite, but now some conservative Republicans are coming out and saying the president has gone too far.
“Look, he’s a human president, and one day he will rule all humans, so no, it doesn’t bother me when he gets help from other humans in North Korea or Turkey,” said US Senator Pat Toomey of Pennsylvania. “When he told Turkey where our own troops were and then ‘forgot’ to get them out of the way during the bombings, well, he gets to decide who lives and dies. He’s the damned president! But when I hear that he’s trying to ally with non-humans? That just doesn’t sit right with me.”
There are those who believe that the reptilian Martians do not exist and are not currently on earth infiltrating human society, but none of those people voted for President Trump in 2016, so his pleas to the aliens carry more weight with his supporters.
“I think it’s fine what the President said at his campaign rally,” said Senate majority leader Mitch McConnell, as his forked tongue flicked out quickly at a fly. “We have nothing to fear from the beautiful reptile people of Mars. And it was obvious that the president was making a joke.”
Senator Warren says she does not believe the President was making a joke, but she also does not believe in Martians, so she is unsure how to react.
“This guy, the leader of the free world, he actually asked Martians to vaporize me,” Warren said during a speech on Friday. “I mean, does this guy actually believe in the turtle people? Or is he just desperate to appeal to his reptilian base? Honestly, I have no idea anymore. But if the Martians are real, and they do invade, I have drafted a plan for that.”