New CRISPR Tattoos Let You Tattoo Your Entire Bloodline

MARSHFIELD – A new bio lab/tattoo parlor in central Vermont is now offering people the chance to throw some ink onto their DNA. The expensive procedure will allow customers to choose a design to be etched into the CRISPR family of DNA sequences, ensuring that all future descendants will be born with identical tattoos.

Tattoo enthusiasts lined up around the block when DNInk opened last month, many eager to provide their unborn children with needle-free tattoo sleeves. Some balked at the $5000 price tag for the procedure, but the majority agreed that the field of genetic fashion manipulation is rightfully pricey, as it employs cutting-edge techniques and equipment.

“Yeah, it’s a lot of money,” said Taye Bori, who recently added a bald eagle holding the US flag to the upper left arm of his entire future bloodline, “but you can’t get something like this done at a regular shop. You know coming in that you’re going to be paying a premium for inking your genes.”

DNInk says that the most popular CRISPR tattoos are of the person’s own name, followed by either their date of birth, a quote about them, or both.

“People want to be remembered,” says DNInk tattoo artist Hack Scratcher. “I did one yesterday that just said the client’s name with a colon afterward followed by the phrase ‘total badass.’ Two hundred years from now, his great-great-great-great-grandchildren are going to know his name.”

There is currently a wait of almost two years to have the procedure done, but for an extra two thousand dollars you can go in as a same-day walk-in if you can provide evidence that you have a chance of getting laid in the next 24 hours.