The Winooski

The Winooski

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Month: November 2019

Champ Rises From Lake in Fundraiser to Save Lake Monsters Baseball

November 30, 2019 The Winooski 0

BURLINGTON – When the potential end of the state’s own minor league baseball team was rumored, the namesake of the Vermont Lake Monsters rose from […]

Multi-Agency Initiative to Put Ticks, State Debt into Newport’s Downtown Hole

November 29, 2019 The Winooski 0

NEWPORT – In an announcement dropped between Thanksgiving and Christmas, when Vermonters are paying the most attention to the news, Governor Scott spoke today about […]

Trump Prepares to Pardon Several Turkeys

November 28, 2019 The Winooski 0

WASHINGTON – As the national celebrates a day of thanks for the help provided to our earliest settlers by the people we would later exterminate […]

Vermont Prepares to Swap Population With New York, New Jersey

November 27, 2019 The Winooski 0

WINOOSKI – Today marks the first day in a three-to-five-day experiment that will see Vermont swap up to 50% of its population with residents of […]

New Survey Shows 100% of Vermonters Hold Moderate Political Views

November 26, 2019 The Winooski 0

WINOOSKI – In a shocking new survey, results show that the “liberal” state of Vermont is full of moderates. Even in the more “conservative” rural […]

Tesla Unveils Cybertruck, Modeled After Elon Musk’s Winning Pinewood Derby Car

November 25, 2019 The Winooski 0

PALO ALTO, CA – Little 9-year-old Elon Musk had no idea that the car he designed for his Cub Scout Pinewood Derby would one day […]

Syrup & Cows #129 – 11/24/19 – Snow Day

November 24, 2019 The Winooski 0

Image Credits: Connor Byam.

In Political Compromise, BPD Officers Will Now Be Armed With Guns That Shoot Knives

November 23, 2019 The Winooski 1

BURLINGTON – When a city council member suggested that Burlington Police stop carrying guns, Chief Brandon Del Pozo balked at the idea, suggesting that the […]

VT Department of Health Cautions Residents Against Making Snow Angels After Reports of Ticks Wearing Tiny Coats and Hats

November 22, 2019 The Winooski 0

MONTPELIER – Children across the state are being warned against lying down in the snow by the Vermont Department of Health, thanks to new reports […]

Democrats Call George Washington As Impeachment Witness; Republicans Question His Patriotism

November 21, 2019 The Winooski 1

WASHINGTON – As another day of impeachment hearings drew to a close in the D.C., Democrats called a surprise witness in one of the nation’s […]

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