Vermont Announces Plan to Lower Pollution By Raising Taxes

MONTPELIER – Gov. Scott announced this week that he plans to combat climate change by raising taxes on Vermont residents. Different from the proposed “carbon tax” that is growing in popularity, this tax would not be on businesses who pollute, but rather on regular Vermonters.

The idea behind the new tax is to create incentive for Vermonters to move out of the state, thus creating less pollution from fewer cars, businesses, and homes. No state has thus far attempted to curb carbon emissions by eliminating residents, and the move is seen as controversial by some.

“Our taxes are high enough as it is! This is ridiculous!” shouted one random person on the street after we asked them what they thought about the new taxes. “You tell Governor Scott that we’re not going to sit around while our taxes keep going up!”

“Well,” responded Governor Scott, “if they don’t like it, they can always leave.”

When questioned about how this would sync with the existing relocation incentive program that pays out-of-staters $10,000 to move to Vermont, Gov. Scott admitted that his bid to bring in new Vermonters was less successful than he had originally hoped.

“Getting people to move here isn’t really working,” Gov. Scott told press. “So what’s our other option? Getting them to move away. And with lower carbon emissions, fewer people, and a more pristine environment, I think that in the long run we’re going to see an increase in population. Sort of a two steps backward, one step forward kind of thing. Sometimes you gotta get up to get down.”