MONTPELIER – The state of Vermont may be looking to disband its Board of Education, in favor of consolidating the board with the Agency of Education, both of which believe they are in charge of education policy in the state. But now the BoE is pushing back, suggesting that the AoE be dissolved instead, and to settle the matter for all time, the two agencies will battle in a Mixed Martial Arts tournament that will also serve as a fundraiser for education in the state.
“We’re all adults here,” said BoE Chair John Carroll, “so I think we should settle this like adults. Three rounds, no holds barred, gladiator style. No weapons, no tagging out. Just two groups of adults, settling an important matter in a mature way.”
The AoE agreed to the match quickly, and even helped scout locations for the event, which will include a round in the ring, a round in the cage, and a round in the pit. Tickets are on sale for $30 each and are selling quickly. Anyone with a student ID from any Vermont school will get a 50% discount on tickets, and at the concession stands.
“Oh, we said yes, no question,” said AoE Secretary Daniel French. “I mean, look at those guys. Me vs. John Carroll? I could take that guy, no problem. I’m not 20 anymore, but I think I still have a few moves left. Nobody on my team is getting disbanded while I’m still standing.”
Gov. Scott has given his reluctant seal of approval to the event, saying, “I understand why they want to settle this quickly and move on. It’s not how I would have chosen to handle the matter, and I told them so, but they weren’t interested in a drag race down I-89, so I gave them my blessing. I’ll be in the front row, cheering for all of them.”
Image Credits: VTDigger.