Tesla Unveils Cybertruck, Modeled After Elon Musk’s Winning Pinewood Derby Car

PALO ALTO, CA – Little 9-year-old Elon Musk had no idea that the car he designed for his Cub Scout Pinewood Derby would one day go on to revolutionize the world of pickup trucks, but “a winning design is a winning design,” according to the automotive innovator. His new Cybertruck will be available late next yearthe end of 2021 … whenever they are available, and can be pre-ordered now for consumers who enjoy vehicles with easy-to-calculate volume.

The vehicle has not come without controversy. Aside from the design, which some have referred to as “a Ford 150 that finished reading Cryptonomicon,” there have been several incidents leading some to feel uneasy with the truck. During a demonstration of Cybertruck’s unbreakable windows, the windows shattered, twice. They also received flak for a scrapped promotion that called Cybertruck “The Subaru Baja for Straight People.”

“Obviously we’ve got more work to do on Cybertruck,” Musk tweeted. “Security is very important to us. We are taking steps to improve the digital firewall after Rudy Giuliani somehow accidentally butt-dialed Cybertruck and admitted to several new crimes. We’ve turned over the tapes to the Senate, who voted to destroy them immediately without listening to them, and this is not the sort of thing we want our customers to have to deal with.”

The name Cybertruck was also the name of Musk’s original Pinewood Derby car, but the differences stop with the name and the look. Unlike the Cub Scout version, the new truck will be powered by electricity, will have 100 square feet of storage, and will come with an optional slide out bulletin board for truck lovers’ big mood sticker collections. More information can be found on Tesla’s website, or by hunting down replicants and questioning them.