Champ Rises From Lake in Fundraiser to Save Lake Monsters Baseball

BURLINGTON – When the potential end of the state’s own minor league baseball team was rumored, the namesake of the Vermont Lake Monsters rose from the depths of Lake Champlain in protest, and in hopes of finding a way to save the team. If the MLB folks do cut the 42 teams that have been suggested, Vermont’s team would lose the funding to pay coaches players, a financially crippling situation that would most likely lead to the end of baseball in Burlington.

“Not if I have anything to say about it,” said Champ, who generally stays out of sight at the bottom of the lake. “That’s my name, my picture up there, and I’ll be drowned if I’m going to let Major League Baseball f*** it up. My name is f***ing CHAMP, I use they/them pronouns, and I’m ready to tear s*** up!”

Champ has announced a selfie booth that they hope to set up before the lake freezes this winter, charging $100 for a photo that they will then sign for the lucky customer. There is also an eBay shop online now, selling some of Champ’s old scales that have been sloughed off over the years. Some local businesses are getting in on the fun too.

“We’re very exited to partner with Champ,” said a representative from the University Mall in South Burlington. “We’ll have a special Champ-themed kiosk this holiday season, and we’re in discussions right now about maybe having Champ do some shifts as the mall Santa. We just need to talk about some of the language issues. We’ve explained to Champ that kids are used to the mascot version, who doesn’t use so many, um, colorful phrases around them.”

For now, anyone wishing to help Champ save local baseball can call Rob Manfred at his home and complain, or just purchase several Champ selfies while they are still available.

Liked it? Take a second to support The Winooski on Patreon!
Become a patron at Patreon!

Be the first to comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.