MONTPELIER – In a new bid to reverse the state’s aging and declining population, the Vermont House of Representatives is working on a new piece of legislation that will be based on what their grandchildren say they like these days. The bill, in its current state, is nebulous, but lawmakers are hoping that, once they figure out how to work Snapchat, the bill will began to take shape.
“We know Snapchat,” said Rep. Methuselah Levieux. “I mean, we don’t know how to use it, but we know that it’s a thing that young people like. One piece of this bill is going to be free Snapchat for all Vermont residents. That much we know for sure. And ticky tock? I think that’s like musical snapchat? We may throw that in as well.”
At this point the bill contains not much more than a list of ideas and feedback, ranging from “a livable planet” to “why are you even calling me, don’t you know how to text?”
“I know we may seem out of touch,” Levieux said, “but remember, we were young once too. We know what it’s like. We were out there looking for work in the summer to save up for a new hot rod. We were at the malt shops trying to trick girls into necking. We know what young people want. We just don’t know what it’s called these days.”
The Winooski tried to survey some local millennials, to see if money and sex were still their priorities, but we couldn’t find any to ask.