BURLINGTON – A mild controversy arose this week after the Fletcher Free Library agreed to allow a feminist group to meet about combating the transgender agenda. When we asked the feminist group, which calls itself “Gender Critical Vermont” about the agenda, they assured us that it was all about ruining everything by being obnoxious, and that they were not going to stand for it anymore.
Our top reporter, Calm Wyvern, contacted the transgender community, hoping to get a look at the actual agenda, but he was told that the secret agenda was private. Luckily, Wyvern was able to sneak past the guards at transgender headquarters and accessed the unlocked filing cabinet labeled “TRANSGENDA.”
What Wyvern found in that glittery manila folder was shocking. The transgender agenda was simply a blank piece of paper with the word “Transgenda” written across the top in purple highlighter. We contacted the sophisticated operation shortly afterward, and confronted them with this information.
“Ok, fine, you got us,” said Phoenix Storm, a random transgender person that we found online, “we haven’t really settled on an agenda yet. So far it’s mostly, ‘try not die,’ but how do you word that? We can’t even agree about whether it should be a more formal agenda with bullet pointed lists, or if it should be just a list of stuff we like.”
Storm pointed out that many of them like different things, as they are all unique individuals without many common goals.
“There isn’t always that much in common with each other, so it’s hard to form a specific agenda. But we don’t want to look weak or unorganized because, as I mentioned earlier, we don’t want to die. Or be harassed I guess. We also don’t want to be harassed. Or mocked all the time? I guess, maybe, respect is our agenda? Even if you don’t agree with us? But again, I’d have to check with everyone else. It’s not like we have club meetings or anything. But I can confidently say that there a lot of people around here that I don’t like, and I disagree with their life choices pretty severely, but I don’t want them to die, or have their rights taken away. So we could start there for now. Can we have that at least?”