BURLINGTON – Another scandal has hit the Queen City this week, after multiple witnesses report seeing Burlington Mayor Miro Weinberger leaving City Market with a single use plastic grocery bag that contained alleged groceries. After years of flagrantly being imperfect, this may be the final straw for the beleaguered politician.
“I saw it!” said Champlain College student Reese Ackle. “I was loading up my organic cotton reusable tote with locally sourced greenhouse kale when I heard out of the corner of my eye a crinkle. The kind of crinkle that only comes from the world’s greatest evil. And when I turned my ears to see who would be so horrible as to even accept such a sack, I couldn’t believe what I tasted. I tasted horror. It was the mayor. And he didn’t even round up the 97 cents for charity. I almost puked in my kale.”
Over six people report having seen Mayor Weinberger with a plastic bag, although there is not agreement as to what was in the bag.
“I didn’t get a good look at what he was buying,” Ackle said. “I craned my neck real hard, but I couldn’t see through the thick barrier of death. It was probably Froot Loops or something with corn syrup in it though.”
Weinberger himself does not deny using the bag. According to his official statement, he needed a trash bag for the little trash can under the sink in the downstairs bathroom, and rather than buying a package of capitalist, non-biodegradable trash bags, he opted to grab a free bag at City Market to use instead.
In response to the scandal, City Market has now stopped its policy of giving out bags completely.
Oh, the horrors! Impeach!