The Winooski

The Winooski

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Month: January 2020

Lt. Gov. Announces Plans to Reveal the Release of an Announcement of a Plan to Announce a Press Conference at Which He Will Announce a Potential Announcement of a Run for Governor

January 9, 2020 The Winooski 1

MONTPELIER – Vermont’s Lt. Governor David Zuckerman made an announcement this week that he has plans to reveal next week the release of another announcement. […]

Residents Unaffected By New Dummerston Highway Sign

January 8, 2020 The Winooski 0

DUMMERSTON – Dummerston, VT was approved by state highway officials this month for new signs to be placed along the highway. The new signage would […]

New England Applies for Federal Disaster Relief Funds After Patriots Knocked Out

January 7, 2020 The Winooski 0

BOSTON – The six states that make up New England, two or three of which you might have heard of, have jointly applied to the […]

Lone Commenter Unable to Convince Internet That Satire Article is Not Real

January 6, 2020 The Winooski 9

WINOOSKI – Despite his best efforts, lone internet commenter Steve M. was unable to convince any of the other commenters that the satire post they […]

Syrup & Cows #135 – 1/5/20 – Dude…

January 5, 2020 The Winooski 0

Image Credits: Connor Byam.

ICE Deports Several Robot Milking Machines Back to Cybertron

January 4, 2020 The Winooski 0

GLOVER – Immigration Customs and Enforcement (ICE) agents have raided a farm in Glover, VT after receiving an anonymous tip that illegal aliens were being […]

Vermont Sends Gift Basket to Iran, Asks to Be Left Out of Revenge Plans

January 3, 2020 The Winooski 87

MONTPELIER – The state of Vermont has sent a basket of fruit and cheese to the leaders of Iran, with a note explaining that their […]

Dog Spends Entire Life Preparing For Home Invasion That Never Comes

January 2, 2020 The Winooski 0

ELMORE – Although it never actually happened, Moose the rottweiler spent most of his waking life on the alert for a home invasion, despite his […]

Vermont Lowers Incentive to Move to State, Hopes to Attract Less Discerning Residents

January 1, 2020 The Winooski 0

MONTPELIER – Vermont Governor Phil Scott took some heat from residents after offering out-of-staters $10,000 to move to the state, but in 2020 the prize […]

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