4th Grader With Magic Lamp Claims No Responsibility for Schools Shutting Down

MIDDLETOWN SPRINGS – After Vermont Governor Phil Scott ordered all schools in the state shuttered for the remainder of the school year, many in the community turned to 9-year-old Allie Din, who had been heard whispering a similar proposal to an old lamp. Din found the lamp at a church thrift shop in Rutland last month, but denies that the genie that lives inside was responsible for the current global pandemic.

“I’m not trying to accuse a little kid of anything,” said neighbor and school teacher Ray Benyte, “but we all know how much Allie hates school, and it seems a little odd that just after she finds that genie, suddenly all the schools are getting shut down. She says she didn’t do it, so I guess there’s nothing else to be done, but I sure would be interested in talking to that smoky creature myself, you know?”

Din’s parents says that they’re happy she has a playmate, even if it is a semi-corporeal being from another plane of reality, and that they were very clear that if her wishes caused the pandemic, she would be grounded for at least a month. They also claim that their daughter has promised not to use her new powers for evil, although even they admitted that a 9-year-old’s conception of what evil is may differ from those of most adults.

“The question here is, how many wishes has she used up?” asked Benyte. “Was it one wish to cancel school for a few weeks, and then another to make sure she didn’t go back at all this year? Or was that somehow one wish? If we can get her to use up her wishes, maybe someone else could borrow the lamp for a few minutes and put everything back the way it was. If she did it, obviously.”

The Rutland thrift shop cannot say for sure where the lamp originated from, although one employee commented that they had to scrape a Mar-a-Lago sticker off the side before putting it out for sale.

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