The Winooski

The Winooski

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Month: April 2020

New UVM Study Shows F-35 Noise Can Be Harvested to Kill Coronavirus

April 30, 2020 The Winooski 3

WINOOSKI – UVM announced today that mechanical engineering Professor Carina Firus submitted a paper for peer review and publication in Virology with results of supercomputer […]

Vermonters Heading to Georgia For Haircuts, Tattoos

April 29, 2020 The Winooski 0

SOUTH BURLINGTON – The GET ME OUT OF HERE Travel Agency has arranged a charter from Burlington International Airport nonstop to Hartsfield International Airport in […]

Government Asks For Help in Completing Game of Jumanji Accidentally Started Over Winter Break

April 28, 2020 The Winooski 0

PAWLET – Gov. Scott has called on the residents of Vermont to help in completing a game of Jumanji started by a brother and sister […]

Vermont Department of Health Revives Mr. Yuk Campaign to Counter Presidential Medical Advice

April 27, 2020 The Winooski 0

MONTPELIER – As if the Vermont Department of Health didn’t have enough to take care of, the Presidents latest advice to inject bleach, Lysol or […]

Syrup & Cows #151 – 4/26/20 – Henry

April 26, 2020 The Winooski 0

Image Credits: Connor Byam.

Trump Says Stay at Overpriced Golf Resort “Might” Cure COVID-19

April 25, 2020 The Winooski 1

WASHINGTON – At his daily press briefing yesterday, Temporary President Trump suggested that a stay at a few specially selected overpriced golf resorts should be […]

Republican Plans for Smaller Government Hit a Snag

April 24, 2020 The Winooski 1

MONTPELIER – State and National Republican leaders have decided to “temporarily put on hold,” plans to shrink the size of government. VT State Republican chair […]

Air Force Eliminates F-35 Complaints By Renaming Planes

April 23, 2020 The Winooski 0

SOUTH BURLINGTON – After hearing hundreds of complaints from Burlington area residents over the F-35s being stationed at the Air Guard Base, Air Force Chief […]

Covid-19 Can Be Cured With CBD Oil, Says Local Pothead

April 21, 2020 The Winooski 1

WINOOSKI – A stunning announcement has rocked the medical world this week, as it was revealed that the current deadly plague of Covid-19 can be […]

Vermont’s Poorest Residents Encouraged to Hire Better Lobbyists

April 20, 2020 The Winooski 1

MONTPELIER – VT lobbyists , with some assistance from the Governor, are determining which businesses to open, and the sequence of opening that guarantees the […]

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