Wilmington Man Running For Governor on Platform of Making Kiddie Cones Small Again

NEWFANE – Brian Frees never thought he’d be running for governor, but with his campaign up and running he now says it’s the only way to bring attention to an issue that nobody else in government is talking about. Frees is running on a single-issue platform that calls for uniform creemee sizing throughout the state.

“First of all, sometimes they won’t even give you a kiddie cone,” Frees noted, “unless there’s a kid with you. And even then, the “kiddie” size is more like what a small used to be. I don’t want that much! And if you’re at a particular creemee stand for the first time, you have no idea how tall that cone is going to be. It’s a nightmare.”

Supporters of the creemee initiative have rallied around Frees, especially in his hometown of Wilmington. The creemee stand off of Rt. 100 is providing free cones to rallies, and locals are bring their own rulers to measure the cone sizes.

“I totally agree with Brian,” said one woman who identified herself only as
“Brian’s cousin.” “The people in Montpelier are worried about all sorts of things that don’t really affect our daily lives. None of them are willing to take a look at the actual issues, like why some places give you a tiny squirt of ice cream and call it a medium, and others give you so much on a kiddie cone that I doubt a kid could actually carry it. It’s stressful. Ice cream should not be stressful. You should always know what you’re going to get.”

Frees conceded that there are other issues facing our state and our nation right now, but noted, “None of those other things are affecting me personally.”

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