Trump Challenges Burr Descendants to a Duel

WASHINGTON – Temporary U.S. President Donald Trump has announced this week that he is challenging a descendant of former Vice President Aaron Burr to a duel, which is to take place on 5th Avenue in Manhattan as soon as possible. TP Trump tweeted about the duel at 2:43 AM Friday morning, and confirmed the challenge to press later in the day.

“I don’t have to prove anything to anyone,” TP Trump said loudly. “Everyone knows, and you can check this, I’m the best at dueling. But then I see this documentary about dueling on Disney Plus, lot of music in that documentary, actually it was very odd, very strange, I didn’t really care for it myself, but I hear it’s very popular, so I give it a shot, and it’s telling me that Aaron Burr is best at dueling, which actually, you know, it’s not, so I thought, and you know this, you know, you can ask yourself and you’ll tell you, muffins for breakfast, or lunch, doesn’t matter, and they won’t let me shoot Joe Biden, I mean, come on people!”

White House Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany then told both reporters that were allowed to the press conference that duels are “very normal” and “in the constitution,” and that you are definitely able to bring whatever weapons you want to duels these days, including the full force of the US military, up to and including nuclear weapons.

“He’s going down,” said Tim Burr of Peacham, VT. “Ain’t nobody gonna challenge me to no duel and walk away. All I got to do is stand behind a ramp and he’ll be done. I got a 16-pointer last season. I ain’t worried.”

The public has been assured that both duelers will be more than 6 feet apart and wearing masks, except for Trump.

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