MONTPELIER – Responding to complaints that history is biased and disrespectful, the dominating group of educational intellectuals in Vermont has ruled that all history has been eliminated. In a prepared statement the VPA stated, “Henceforth history shall not be taught, discussed, mentioned or referenced in any Vermont educational institution from pre-school to graduation. In addition, all teaching materials, reference books, records and memorabilia, newspapers, periodicals relating to history shall be immediately removed from school properties and destroyed.”
When asked if such items as sports trophies were included, VPA spokesperson Mya Futures stated, “Of course, because they are history.” Futures also says the VPA included grading records, disciplinary records, yearbooks, and school pictures on their list of over a hundred historical archival records that must depart “immediately.”
Burlington School Board member Tony Liberalty praised the decision. Reached at Battery Park, Liberalty shouted back over a bullhorn that school districts will save money by eliminating history departments. Shortly after his statement, Liberalty slipped, or was pushed, in front of a Burlington Police cruiser operated by a social worker en-route to a call.
The Vermont Teachers Association and Steel Workers Union also expressed satisfaction at the decision. In their prepared response it was pointed out that, “All text books are historical and will be gone. Teachers will not have to do anything but talk about the future to students. Forget about yesterday is a wonderful concept since now yesterday never existed.”
The VPA is looking into the future, as it now cannot look back, to eliminate all education in school buildings and have only “Zoom Schools.” One concern is how to deal with Zoom Bomb Threats by those protesting for historical restorations.
History of any kind is gone from the schools in Vermont. Parental guidelines will not be published as they are based on historical actions and therefore protected from disclosure by the latest decision. As Mya Futures stated, “The future is now, the past is past, so therefore cannot be discussed.”