WASHINGTON – In a massive departure from his usual rhetoric, Temporary President Trump has shown some concern for human life and asked Republican voters to “please stop dying until Wednesday, Tuesday night at the earliest.” Supporters of TP Trump have been dying off in droves, having been encouraged to contract the Coronavirus, engage in dangerous highway attacks, inject bleach into themselves, and other deadly activities.
The latest polls show that people are supposed to be alive in order to vote, and unfortunately the only demographic where TP Trump is ahead going into Tuesday’s election is ‘people who have recently died doing something the President told them to do.’ Acknowledging the delicate irony of the situation, the White House is now asking GOP voters to stop doing anything that TP Trump has mentioned until after the election.
“I get it, some people want to die,” TP Trump said in a video posted to Twitter early Monday morning. “I got the Chinese Disease, and I felt like getting better, but other people make different choices. And it is a choice, you know this, I know this, nobody ever has to die from anything. Look at me, I should be dead ten times over, but I just didn’t want to. And if you want to, I’m seriously totally fine with it. Just, hey, just don’t do it before you vote.”
The temporary President went on to tell viewers to “Put a big red ‘T’ across your vote paper,” apparently confused about how ballots work. He also urged supporters to continue to violently attack Democrats and polling places, but “only after you cast your own vote. Then you can go to Hell for all I care.”