Thousands of Vermonters Now Apparently Working For the Gall-Danged Power Company

ESSEX – It has come to the attention of The Winooski staff that thousands upon thousands of Vermonters must have suddenly gotten jobs with the electric company, after hearing reports of the number of lights that people seem to be leaving on at all hours. While many people put up lights in December, this year seems extra wasteful in the power department, according to Penny Pynch of Essex Junction.

“Look at ’em all,” Ms. Pynch told us over the phone after somehow tracking down our private cell phone number and calling us on Christmas Eve. “Morons. Whadda they, workin’ fer the power company now? They gonna leave those things on all night? Must have missed the memo about the free electricity this month. Maybe I should leave my radio on all night too?”

Pynch confirmed that almost every house on her street now has some sort of light display, ranging from candles in the windows to trees wrapped in hundreds of bulbs.

“Only one house on the whole block got no lights on it. Mine,” Pynch said bitterly. “My neighbors keep driving by and lookin’ at my house like there’s something wrong with it. Well it’s the opposite! What the hell’s wrong with the gall-danged lot of ’em? Nuts! They’re all nuts!”

We reached out to Vermont Electric, who denied any additional staffing increases this month, but admitted that business was booming.