City Council Considers Plan to Sink Burlington High School in Lake Champlain

BURLINGTON – After months of debate with no clear solutions in sight, the Burlington City Council will now debate a proposed plan for dealing with the abandoned high school building that experts say is permanently unusable. The plan, suggested after the Lake Champlain Transportation Company asked to sink an old ferry in the lake, would see the building and grounds moved approximately two miles west of their present location.

“This seems like a pretty good plan,” said Joan Shannon (D-South). “It’s going to be a lot less expensive than the other proposed clean-up plans, leaving us more money to focus on building a new high school. I was thinking we could tear down some apartment buildings to make room for one. Lord knows we have way too much housing around here as it is.”

The plan faces some heavy opposition from progressives, who have taken an issue with dumping the cancerous high school into the town’s water supply.

“I just don’t think dumping it in Appletree Bay is the best idea,” said council president Max Tracy (P-2). Surely there are places in the lake further south that would be a much better fit for hazardous chemicals.

Tracy admitted he was being “a bit of a Karen” about the whole thing, drawing a look of rage from Karen Paul (D-6), but felt that his base would prefer not to drink carcinogens.

“But think of how cool it would be to snorkel around the old high school!” pleaded Chip Mason (D-5). “Our kids could learn history and limnology and the same time! Literal seahorses, people!”

The plan is not expected to pass at this time, especially considering Mayor Miro Weinberger’s strong opposition to any plan that does not somehow involve Don Sinex.

Image Credits: VTDigger.

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  1. Save money on moving the high school building to the lake. Just let it sit idle for decades like the Moran Plant and eventually someone will want to repurpose it into a rock climbing center or something. Or, maybe sea level rise from climate change will eventually put the high school in the lake without having to move it.

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