The Winooski

The Winooski

Locally Sourced Organic Vermont Satire

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Articles by The Winooski

34 Years Later, Musicians Still Unable to Locate Jazz in Burlington

June 10, 2017 The Winooski 0

BURLINGTON – In 1984, an intrepid team of musicians and musicologists happened upon an ancient map located in a dusty old book found in the Fletcher […]

South Burlington Rebels Officially Become the Seahorses

June 9, 2017 The Winooski 0

SOUTH BURLINGTON – The Rebels are no more. The school board voted unanimously to change the controversial team name on Wednesday night, replacing the longstanding […]

STUDY: Deliciousness of Soft Serve Ice Cream Determined by Number of “E”s in Spelling

June 8, 2017 The Winooski 0

WATERBURY – The Vermont Forensic Laboratory has released a study finding that soft-serve ice cream is more delicious when it is spelled with more “E”s. […]

Lake Champlain Drained and Filled with Champagne To Celebrate Vermont’s 240th Anniversary

June 7, 2017 The Winooski 0

COLCHESTER – In a highly controversial move, state authorities drained Lake Champlain on Friday morning and re-filled it with expensive bottles of Champagne to commemorate […]

The Chamber of Commerce Has Been Opened – Beware!

June 6, 2017 The Winooski 0

BURLINGTON – It has been reported by multiple sources that the Lake Champlain Regional Chamber of Commerce has once again been opened. A sign reading […]

Governor Scott Promises Better Educational Equality Through Statewide Teacher Strikes

June 5, 2017 The Winooski 0

MONTPELIER – At a press conference on his statewide teachers’ health benefits negotiations proposal, Governor Scott highlighted his plan’s educational equality benefits.  “Under the current […]

Local Man Still At Restaurant Reading Beer List

June 4, 2017 The Winooski 0

BURLINGTON – On the evening of Friday June 2nd, Williston resident Aaron Green sat down to dinner at the Farmhouse Tap & Grill in Burlington, and […]

Nude Beach Regulars Object to Plan That Would Add Viewing Area and Charge Admission

June 3, 2017 The Winooski 2

WESTMORE – The public beach area at the south end of Lake Willoughby is a haven for bathers who enjoy some skinny dipping along with […]

Six Weird Vermont Laws You Have to Read to Believe

June 2, 2017 The Winooski 4

Every state has its quirks, and the legal system is no exception when it comes to crazy local eccentricities that you just would not believe.. While […]

Normal Traffic Day in Vergennes

June 1, 2017 The Winooski 0

VERGENNES – Commuters in Vergennes reported that traffic was normal today, as a variety of tractors puttered down busy Monkton Road. The driver of the […]

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Recent Posts

  • Texas Legislature Passes Emergency “Don’t Say Gun” Law May 25, 2022
  • Burlington Announces New High School To Be Built at 1 North Avenue August 19, 2021
  • Syrup & Cows #207 – 5/24/21 – First Day Back May 24, 2021
  • Syrup & Cows #206 – 5/16/21 – The Search Continues May 16, 2021
  • Syrup & Cows #205 – 5/9/21 – Unrecognizable May 9, 2021

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