The Winooski

The Winooski

Locally Sourced Organic Vermont Satire

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Articles by Jill Allen

Entrepreneur Hoping to Use Excess Local Methane For Drugs, Candy

February 10, 2020 Jill Allen 0

COVENTRY – As the state contemplates using bovine flatulence as an alternative to wind power, local purveyor of illegal substances Doug Deeler got confused and […]

State of the Onion Address

February 5, 2020 Jill Allen 0

After President Trump’s State of the Union address last night, we here at The Winooski felt compelled to give a State of the Onion address, […]

Local Students Attempt to Run Mock Trial Without Calling Any Witnesses

January 31, 2020 Jill Allen 0

BOLTON – As the Senate contemplates whether to call witnesses in the impeachment trial of Temporary President Donald Trump, local teacher Peach Imm has also […]

Vermont Prepares to Cash in On Autumn

September 16, 2019 Jill Allen 0

BURLINGTON – Several state organizations are hoping for windfalls of money as the season changes. In the event that climate change prevents Vermont from drawing […]

Vermont Lobbies to Call Youngest Children “Generation V”

September 12, 2019 Jill Allen 0

MONTPELIER – Although sociologists are already calling the children of Millennials “Generation Alpha,” the “iGeneration,” or “digital natives,” Vermont Millennials see this as an opportunity […]

Feline Street Gangs Menace Southern Vermont

September 5, 2019 Jill Allen 0

BRATTLEBORO – It’s hard to survive as a vagrant in Vermont, and no one knows that better than Vermont’s strays. “After a gang of feral […]

Montpelier Police Detain “Armed” Man

September 3, 2019 Jill Allen 0

MONTPELIER – In the wake of the Capitol Complex in Montpelier experiencing a lockdown because an “armed man” was seen entering a State Building, local […]

UVM’s Plan To Introduce Live, Free-Range Catamounts on Campus

August 30, 2019 Jill Allen 1

BURLINGTON – With the Federal government defanging the laws that protect endangered species across the US, local feline enthusiast and philanthropist Kitty Katz has a […]

BREAKING: VT Government Testing New Teleporter on Unsuspecting Vehicles

August 24, 2019 Jill Allen 0

BURLINGTON – Burlington resident Minny Driver is fed up with road work on her home street. “I’ve had to get the undercarriage of my Mini […]

Top VT Educators Advocate for Consent-based Guidance Counseling

December 26, 2018 Jill Allen 0

MONTPELIER – In the wake of allegations of misconduct against the former guidance director of Burlington High School, the state’s top overseer of learning, Ed […]

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Recent Posts

  • Texas Legislature Passes Emergency “Don’t Say Gun” Law May 25, 2022
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  • Syrup & Cows #206 – 5/16/21 – The Search Continues May 16, 2021
  • Syrup & Cows #205 – 5/9/21 – Unrecognizable May 9, 2021

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