Entrepreneur Hoping to Use Excess Local Methane For Drugs, Candy
COVENTRY – As the state contemplates using bovine flatulence as an alternative to wind power, local purveyor of illegal substances Doug Deeler got confused and […]
Articles by Jill Allen
State of the Onion Address
After President Trump’s State of the Union address last night, we here at The Winooski felt compelled to give a State of the Onion address, […]
Local Students Attempt to Run Mock Trial Without Calling Any Witnesses
BOLTON – As the Senate contemplates whether to call witnesses in the impeachment trial of Temporary President Donald Trump, local teacher Peach Imm has also […]
Vermont Prepares to Cash in On Autumn
BURLINGTON – Several state organizations are hoping for windfalls of money as the season changes. In the event that climate change prevents Vermont from drawing […]
Vermont Lobbies to Call Youngest Children “Generation V”
MONTPELIER – Although sociologists are already calling the children of Millennials “Generation Alpha,” the “iGeneration,” or “digital natives,” Vermont Millennials see this as an opportunity […]
Feline Street Gangs Menace Southern Vermont
BRATTLEBORO – It’s hard to survive as a vagrant in Vermont, and no one knows that better than Vermont’s strays. “After a gang of feral […]
Montpelier Police Detain “Armed” Man
MONTPELIER – In the wake of the Capitol Complex in Montpelier experiencing a lockdown because an “armed man” was seen entering a State Building, local […]
UVM’s Plan To Introduce Live, Free-Range Catamounts on Campus
BURLINGTON – With the Federal government defanging the laws that protect endangered species across the US, local feline enthusiast and philanthropist Kitty Katz has a […]
BREAKING: VT Government Testing New Teleporter on Unsuspecting Vehicles
BURLINGTON – Burlington resident Minny Driver is fed up with road work on her home street. “I’ve had to get the undercarriage of my Mini […]
Top VT Educators Advocate for Consent-based Guidance Counseling
MONTPELIER – In the wake of allegations of misconduct against the former guidance director of Burlington High School, the state’s top overseer of learning, Ed […]