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The Winooski

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Foreign Press

Chernobyl Re-Opens, Despite Radiation, for “Economic Reasons”

July 16, 2020 The Winooski 1

PRIPYAT – In a joint statement between Temporary US President Trump and Permanent Russian President Vladmir Putin, the Chernobyl Nuclear Power Plant been declared open […]

Citing Declining Ratings, Loss of Star, Netflix Cancels Brexit, Leaving Cliffhanger Ending Incomplete

April 7, 2020 The Winooski 0

LONDON – There has never been a more ambitious reality television project perhaps than Brexit, Netflix’s real-time, real-life documentary that asked viewers in the United […]

Texas Governor Issues First Boomer Hunting Permits

March 25, 2020 The Winooski 0

AUSTIN – At the urging of Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick, the state of Texas will issue its first ever hunting licenses to anyone wishing to […]

Pope Confirms Virus is God’s Judgement Against Old White Dudes

March 18, 2020 The Winooski 1

VATICAN CITY – In a stunning message coming out of what can only be classified now as a disaster area, Pope Francis has announced that […]

Topless Protesters Disrupt Sanders Campaign Rally, Prompting Other Candidates to Demand the Same Treatment

February 19, 2020 The Winooski 2

CARSON CITY – After topless protesters took the stage at a Bernie Sanders rally this week, other presidential candidates are crying foul, saying they want […]

Tom Brady Signs 2-Year, $70 Million Deal With Hulu

February 3, 2020 The Winooski 0

BOSTON – In a shocking reveal on Sunday evening, NFL star Tom Brady announced that he has signed a deal with Hulu to keep streaming […]

Governor Offers Prince Harry and Meghan Markle $10,000 Each to Move to Vermont

January 14, 2020 The Winooski 2

MONTPELIER – The prize money for moving Vermont has gone down to only $7500, but that didn’t stop Governor Phil Scott from offering $10,000 each […]

New England Applies for Federal Disaster Relief Funds After Patriots Knocked Out

January 7, 2020 The Winooski 0

BOSTON – The six states that make up New England, two or three of which you might have heard of, have jointly applied to the […]

Vermont Sends Gift Basket to Iran, Asks to Be Left Out of Revenge Plans

January 3, 2020 The Winooski 87

MONTPELIER – The state of Vermont has sent a basket of fruit and cheese to the leaders of Iran, with a note explaining that their […]

Santa Accused of Racial Profiling – Most on Naughty List Are White Males

December 16, 2019 The Winooski 0

NORTH POLE – The frozen north is in some hot water this week after an anonymous whistleblower from the North Pole has stepped forward to […]

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Recent Posts

  • Texas Legislature Passes Emergency “Don’t Say Gun” Law May 25, 2022
  • Burlington Announces New High School To Be Built at 1 North Avenue August 19, 2021
  • Syrup & Cows #207 – 5/24/21 – First Day Back May 24, 2021
  • Syrup & Cows #206 – 5/16/21 – The Search Continues May 16, 2021
  • Syrup & Cows #205 – 5/9/21 – Unrecognizable May 9, 2021

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