Chernobyl Re-Opens, Despite Radiation, for “Economic Reasons”
PRIPYAT – In a joint statement between Temporary US President Trump and Permanent Russian President Vladmir Putin, the Chernobyl Nuclear Power Plant been declared open […]
Foreign Press
Citing Declining Ratings, Loss of Star, Netflix Cancels Brexit, Leaving Cliffhanger Ending Incomplete
LONDON – There has never been a more ambitious reality television project perhaps than Brexit, Netflix’s real-time, real-life documentary that asked viewers in the United […]
Texas Governor Issues First Boomer Hunting Permits
AUSTIN – At the urging of Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick, the state of Texas will issue its first ever hunting licenses to anyone wishing to […]
Pope Confirms Virus is God’s Judgement Against Old White Dudes
VATICAN CITY – In a stunning message coming out of what can only be classified now as a disaster area, Pope Francis has announced that […]
Topless Protesters Disrupt Sanders Campaign Rally, Prompting Other Candidates to Demand the Same Treatment
CARSON CITY – After topless protesters took the stage at a Bernie Sanders rally this week, other presidential candidates are crying foul, saying they want […]
Tom Brady Signs 2-Year, $70 Million Deal With Hulu
BOSTON – In a shocking reveal on Sunday evening, NFL star Tom Brady announced that he has signed a deal with Hulu to keep streaming […]
Governor Offers Prince Harry and Meghan Markle $10,000 Each to Move to Vermont
MONTPELIER – The prize money for moving Vermont has gone down to only $7500, but that didn’t stop Governor Phil Scott from offering $10,000 each […]
New England Applies for Federal Disaster Relief Funds After Patriots Knocked Out
BOSTON – The six states that make up New England, two or three of which you might have heard of, have jointly applied to the […]
Vermont Sends Gift Basket to Iran, Asks to Be Left Out of Revenge Plans
MONTPELIER – The state of Vermont has sent a basket of fruit and cheese to the leaders of Iran, with a note explaining that their […]
Santa Accused of Racial Profiling – Most on Naughty List Are White Males
NORTH POLE – The frozen north is in some hot water this week after an anonymous whistleblower from the North Pole has stepped forward to […]