Texas Legislature Passes Emergency “Don’t Say Gun” Law
AUSTIN, TX – The Texas legislature met last night in response to the horrific tragedy in Uvalde and quickly passed a new law that, according […]
National
Leahy Pushes for “Impairment Trial” Over Impeachment for Trump
WASHINGTON – Senator Patrick Leahy says he has a problem presiding over an “Impeachment Trial” as he does not like peaches. Leahy says he prefers […]
Trump Claims Biden Inauguration Has Smallest Attendance in Modern History
WASHINGTON – Former President Donald Trump claimed today that Current US President Jo Biden’s inauguration had the smallest crowd size in recent years, and that […]
Trump Demands to Be Shot From a Cannon as He Exits the White House
WASHINGTON – Exiting President Donald Trump will reluctantly be leaving the White House on Wednesday morning, but he is demanding a full military sendoff as […]
Giuliani Now In Charge of All Election Lawsuits
DETROIT – Now that Rudolph Giuliani is fully in charge of the Trump Post-Election Democracy Destabilization Campaign, he and Temporary President Trump held a press […]
Trump Confused and Furious That None of His Supporters Voted By Mail
WASHINGTON – Temporary President Donald Trump has taken to Twitter to rage against his supporters for not voting by mail. As mail-in ballots are counted, […]
Trump Asks Supporters to Stop Dying Until After They Vote For Him
WASHINGTON – In a massive departure from his usual rhetoric, Temporary President Trump has shown some concern for human life and asked Republican voters to […]
New Food Labels Aim to Lower Stress By Downplaying Calorie Counts
WASHINGTON – Food and Drug Administration (FDA) Commissioner Stephen Hahn has announced new guidelines for food labeling. “In line with the Trump Administration’s belief that […]
Masks and Your DNA – CDC Issues New Guidelines
WASHINGTON – In news that has shocked the medical establishment and promises to create more confusion than already exists, the CDC has released new guidelines […]
Leaked Audio Confirms Trump Intentionally Got COVID-19 in an Attempt to Infect Joe Biden
WASHINGTON – In a newly released audio recording, which we were originally going to call “shocking,” but, let’s be honest, nothing is shocking anymore, Temporary […]