Mosquito Unable to Find Decent New Spot for a Bite
GRAND ISLE – It seems as though this year mosquitoes are enjoying a bounty harvest of human blood for their ongoing feast of evil, but […]
Vermont Life
VT to Drop Poet Laureate in Favor of State Calliopist
GROTON – In a stunning move shocking the literary world, Vt. Senate President pro-tem Tim Ashe and House Leader Mitzi Johnson called an emergency session […]
All Vermont Prisoners to Be Released Due to Legal Insanity of Living in Vermont
MONTPELIER – In a momentous legal decision, all prisoners in the state of Vermont are set to be freed over the next few weeks after […]
Breaking News: Other States Also Have Weather
WINOOSKI – In a shocking discovery, the undercover team at The Winooski has discovered that other states besides Vermont have unpredictable or remarkable weather patterns. […]
Vermont Protesters Hoping to Attract Bigger Names to Kick Out of the State
ESSEX JUNCTION – Vermont’s protester population, one of the largest per capita in the nation, is looking to draw some bigger names to the state […]
Homeland Security Called in to Deal With Foreign Mosquitoes
BARNET – Mosquitoes are rejoicing at the soggy conditions in Vermont this season, with mosquito tourism up by over 23% as compared to last year […]
The Winooski Urges Readers Not to Accept Second-Rate Satire
WINOOSKI – In what one disgruntled reader is touting as “the stunning un-doing of Vermont’s self-proclaimed ‘premiere, locally sourced, organic satire site’,” word is spreading […]
VT Governor Calls in FEMA to Help Mow Lawns During Emergency Time of Cloudy Wetness
MONTPELIER – A state of emergency has been declared by Vermont Governor Phil Scott, who says that dire weather patterns have left many Vermonters unable […]
Americans Honor Those Who Died For Freedoms They Are Giving Away
WINOOSKI – Vermonters join today with millions of other Americans in celebrating the lives and sacrifices of all those who died, fighting for freedoms that […]
VTrans Develops New Weapon to Keep Truckers Safe From Smugglers’ Notch Sirens
CAMBRIDGE – After two trucks were lured to their deaths by the Smugglers’ Notch Sirens within the first week of the re-opening of the pass, […]