The Winooski

The Winooski

Locally Sourced Organic Vermont Satire

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Month: October 2020

2.6 Million Leaf-Peepers Refuse to Leave Vermont

October 31, 2020 The Winooski 0

QUECHEE – “It is like a Stephen King Novel,” relates Mary Crowder, of the Quechee Gorge Rental Center and Tourist Assistance Bureau. Crowder was referring […]

Vermont to House Nation’s Stockpile of Tofu

October 30, 2020 The Winooski 0

GROTON – In an event hearkening back to the days when the Dept. of Defense (DoD) was looking for a repository for nuclear waste, The […]

New Food Labels Aim to Lower Stress By Downplaying Calorie Counts

October 27, 2020 The Winooski 0

WASHINGTON – Food and Drug Administration (FDA) Commissioner Stephen Hahn has announced new guidelines for food labeling. “In line with the Trump Administration’s belief that […]

Syrup & Cows #177 – 10/25/20 – Things Suck

October 25, 2020 The Winooski 0

Image Credits: Connor Byam.

Burlington Combats Police Violence With Police Violins

October 24, 2020 The Winooski 2

BURLINGTON – Think of a police quartet singing “Moonlight In Vermont” on Church Street on a Friday evening. The Burlington Police Commission has adopted a […]

Syrup & Cows #176 – 10/18/20 – Pick Your Own

October 18, 2020 The Winooski 0

Image Credits: Connor Byam.

Masks and Your DNA – CDC Issues New Guidelines

October 17, 2020 The Winooski 0

WASHINGTON – In news that has shocked the medical establishment and promises to create more confusion than already exists, the CDC has released new guidelines […]

Burlington Mayor Too Late to Join Battery Park Protestors

October 12, 2020 The Winooski 0

In a “Dear Organizers” letter to protest organizers, dated September 4, Mayor Weinberger announced his support for black lives. A mayor’s office insider told this […]

Syrup & Cows #175 – 10/11/20 – All or Nothing

October 11, 2020 The Winooski 0

Image Credits: Connor Byam.

College Students Struggle Romantically During Pandemic

October 5, 2020 The Winooski 1

BURLINGTON – Colleges across America are experiencing a significant reduction in opportunities for the traditional intermingling of the various genders. Dances called off; mixers postponed […]

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