Burlington Announces New High School To Be Built at 1 North Avenue

BURLINGTON – After months of speculation, committee meetings, community input, and Zoom meetings, the city of Burlington has announced that the new high school will be built at 1 North Avenue, in place of the existing police headquarters. Residents were asked for input and suggestions as to where a new high school might be built after the previous high school was found to be so poisonous that even the ground is now unsuitable for human use.

Many community leaders identified the police department as the area they would most like to see demolished, citing reduced numbers for uniformed officers, general annoyance with having to follow societal norms, and a strong sense of cultural undertow. “We were hoping to defund the police,” said South End resident Bill Shevik, “but now we have a chance to completely demolish them. It’s hard to establish proletariat power with so many cops around. Also, it’s for the kids, man.”

We tried to solicit comments on the impending destruction of the BPD from some uniformed officers, but we couldn’t find any, as most of them have been downsized or glared at.

Not all residents are excited about the plan. North Avenue resident and New American Yafakkan Kidnamay says he doesn’t support police presence in our schools, and that includes building a school on top of a police station. “What’s wrong with tearing down Centennial Field?” he asked. “What happened to that plan?”

Burlington Mayor Miro Weinberger has yet to sign off on the plan, although he isn’t expected to put up too much of a fight, as the second most suggested place to build the new high school was on top of the Weinberger home. The police station is expected to be demolished as early as April, 2022.

In completely unrelated news, a massive string of burglaries rocked the city last night and city officials are asking residents to be on their guard, lock their doors, and if they see a criminal to call the Shelburne Police.

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