The Winooski

The Winooski

Locally Sourced Organic Vermont Satire

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Articles by The Winooski

Phish Opens Alpharetta Show with Extended Performance of “Tweezer,” Still in Progress

August 6, 2018 The Winooski 1

ALPHARETTA, GA – Vermont’s grooviest export, the band Phish closed down their three-night run at Verizon Wireless Amphitheater just outside of Atlanta, GA on Sunday […]

Syrup & Cows #061 – 8/5/18

August 5, 2018 The Winooski 0

Image Credits: Connor Byam.

Norwich Man Worries He Doesn’t Have Enough Yard Signage to Earn His Liberal Card

August 4, 2018 The Winooski 0

NORWICH – The front lawn of the Saunders’ family home is littered with signs displaying messages like “Black Lives Matter” and “Bernie 2020,” but, despite […]

Vermont Stepping Up Interstate Border Enforcement

August 3, 2018 The Winooski 1

MONTPELIER – Vermont, in an effort to Make Itself Great Again, has closed its borders. No, not the one to Canada. “Those guys are great” […]

South Canadian Riders Causing Trouble for GMT

August 2, 2018 The Winooski 0

SOUTH CANADA – Buses operated by Green Mountain Transit, connecting the nation of South Canada to employment sites in St. Albans, have been experiencing problems with […]

Vermont Reports July 2018 as Best Month in Recorded History for Growing Pineapples

August 1, 2018 The Winooski 1

BURLINGTON – July has officially ended, and the National Weather Service is reporting excellent news for Vermont’s pineapple farmers. According to recently released data, the […]

Solar Panel Opponents Propose a Redesign to Match the Natural Beauty of Telephone Wires

July 31, 2018 The Winooski 0

KILLINGTON – The Killington Select Board has recently decided to move forward with a new plan that will see 18 solar panels added to the […]

Champ Becomes EPA Director as Trump Fills Cabinet with Actual Monsters

July 30, 2018 The Winooski 1

WASHINGTON DC – US President Donald “The Donald” Trump has appointed local Vermont sea monster Champ to fill the role of Director of the Environmental […]

Syrup & Cows #060

July 29, 2018 The Winooski 0

Image Credits: Connor Byam.

Brattleboro Police To Upgrade Vehicles, Add Mech Armor

July 27, 2018 The Winooski 0

BRATTLEBORO – The Brattleboro Selectboard approved a contract this week to update technology and equipment for the Brattleboro Police Department. Officers will now be equipped […]

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Recent Posts

  • Texas Legislature Passes Emergency “Don’t Say Gun” Law May 25, 2022
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  • Syrup & Cows #206 – 5/16/21 – The Search Continues May 16, 2021
  • Syrup & Cows #205 – 5/9/21 – Unrecognizable May 9, 2021

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