Vermont Democrats, Unsure of What to Do When They Win, March on Montpelier to Celebrate

MONTPELIER – Following their ability to achieve a supermajority in the Vermont House as a result of the November elections, the newly powerful Democratic representatives demonstrated their might by marching into the Statehouse wearing shirts with the Superman logo on them, belting out, “We Are the Champions,” by Queen. As they marched, they gathered a crowd, and soon one of the largest marches in the state’s history descended onto Montpelier.

Ida Crabbe, who declined to disclose her party affiliation groused, “They tromped by my house at 6:45 am, waking me up!”

Montpelier Sheriff Lon Ranger acknowledged, “My switchboard was flooded with calls from angry residents about the raucous parade. When my staff confronted them about quieting down. they grumbled about freedom of speech and continued chanting in a stage whisper.”

As the entered the Golden Dome, their voices rose again. “I think they blew out the sound system,” complained Cal Fizzy, director of the Capitol building’s physical plant, “and now my staff has to rush to fix it before Congress starts again. I get that they haven’t won in a while, but really…”

Incumbent Governor Phil Scott declined to condemn the display. “There are more of them than there are of me.” He fearfully eyed the joyful mob and plugged his ears. Besides, uh, my pen is out of ink,” he added.

While house Dems snapped photos of each other astride chamber furniture in various power poses, Vermont’s chief lawyer, Attorney Jen Rule, said her offices had received promises of a lawsuit from Warner Brothers, who owns the rights to Superman. “Paying out to copyright lawyers would result in a budget deficit. But the House Dems don’t care. They think they can do whatever they want.”

“If Superman flies above the law, then so can we,” declared Democrat Artie Wings, as he attempted to attach a trapeze to a chandelier.

When Wings’ colleagues stretched a net below the yawning expanse, Rule excused herself to summon paramedics from Capitol Hill Hospital. “I don’t want Fizzy and his staff to clean up more mess in addition to the broken PA system; we want all reps to stay alive.”

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