The Winooski

The Winooski

Locally Sourced Organic Vermont Satire

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Month: February 2019

Artificial Snow Industry Struggling to Keep Up With Lack of Demand

February 28, 2019 The Winooski 0

JEFFERSONVILLE – A collective groan could be heard throughout the room as the weather forecast was announced. “Again?!” shouted a voice from the back. “Seriously?” […]

United Methodist Church Votes to Exclude Any Members Over the Age of 33

February 27, 2019 The Winooski 18

ST. LOUIS – Churches throughout Vermont, the country, and the world were stunned yesterday when a special conference of the international United Methodist Church voted […]

Burlington Residents Sue City to Prevent Pothole Repair

February 26, 2019 The Winooski 0

BURLINGTON – A citizens group in Vermont’s largest city has filed a suit against Burlington that would prevent the repair or filling of any potholes, […]

Cold Feet Start to Bern Enthusiasm for Sanders in Burlington

February 25, 2019 The Winooski 0

BURLINGTON – Bernie Sanders is once again running for President. The former Mayor and long-term resident of the Queen City could actually be elected President. […]

Syrup & Cows #090 – 2/24/19 – Entering the Race

February 24, 2019 The Winooski 0

Image Credits: Connor Byam.

Cris Ericson Unveils New Policy Platform in Advance of Run for Governor, House, Senate, Treasurer, Auditor, and Secretary of State

February 23, 2019 The Winooski 2

CHESTER – After the statewide legalization of marijuana, perennial candidate Cris Ericson, of the Marijuana Party, has had to pivot to a new platform. She […]

VT Governor Declares State of Emergency Over Loss of Veto Power

February 22, 2019 The Winooski 0

MONTPELIER – Vermont Governor Phil Scott has declared a state of emergency today over the inability to veto House Bill H.57, which would codify into […]

Satire Site Unable to Post Anything Funny About Abortion

February 21, 2019 The Winooski 0

WINOOSKI – The biggest news story of this week left many local satirists scratching their heads as to how to cover the passing of H.57 […]

Burlington Police Chief Replaces All Lieutenants With Actors From New York

February 20, 2019 The Winooski 2

BURLINGTON – When Burlington Police Deputy Chief Shawn Burke left to run South Burlington’s police department, many were skeptical about the decision to hire a […]

Bernie Sanders Announces He Will Run For President as a Republican

February 19, 2019 The Winooski 1

COLCHESTER – Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders announced his 2020 bid for the presidency today on Vermont Public Radio. He promised that many things will be […]

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