National Casket Makers Praise Trump Administration Response to Virus

WESTMINSTER – A number of Vermont casket makers, including Vermont Casket Co., have joined together with other such companies around the country to publicly praise the current White House administration for their handling of the deadly Covid-19 virus currently sweeping the country. While many have expressed fear and disgust for how Temporary President Trump is handling the pandemic, the nation’s casket makers say it shows a real commitment to their small businesses.

“I know the stock market is crashing, and everybody’s retirement money is gone,” said Woody Bachs, of Vermont Casket Co., “but our stock is going way up. Business is booming. And honestly, it’s only going to get better. Trump is doing us a lot of favors. Refusing test kits? Telling people it’s a hoax? I don’t know that anyone else will be responsible for more US deaths this year. I know he’s humble, and keeps trying to pretend he had nothing to do with it, but we see you Mr. President. We see you.”

Casket sales have been on the decline since cremation started becoming more popular in recent years, but with so many deaths presumably on the way, sales have more than tripled in the last week.

“You can’t stockpile cremations,” Bachs said, “but you can hoard caskets. I think people are afraid we’re going to run out, so they just keep buying them. We haven’t done business like this in years. And honestly, they’re not wrong. The way the White House is handling this for us, every family should probably have one at home, just in case.”

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