UVM Announces “Pandemic Strong” Re-Opening Plan
BURLINGTON – Today in a joint press conference with Burlington Mayor Miro Weinberger and UVM President Suresh Garimella, the city and UVM announced a new […]
Articles by The Winooski
Syrup & Cows #163 – 7/19/20 – Remote In-Person
Image Credits: Connor Byam.
Chernobyl Re-Opens, Despite Radiation, for “Economic Reasons”
PRIPYAT – In a joint statement between Temporary US President Trump and Permanent Russian President Vladmir Putin, the Chernobyl Nuclear Power Plant been declared open […]
Vermont Fakes Higher COVID Numbers to Keep Flatlanders Out
MONTPELIER – Vermont Governor Phil Scott admitted early Monday morning that he had tried to falsify the state’s coronavirus numbers in an attempt to keep […]
Syrup & Cows #162 – 7/12/20 – Buffet
Image Credits: Connor Byam.
Vermont Agency of Education Memos Reaffirm Their Commitment to the Obvious
MONTPELIER – After reading this actual line from the Agency of Education’s weekly field memo of June 25th, 2020, “The Vermont single-use products law will […]
New Local News Site Aims to Create Confusion by Naming Itself After Popular Local Satire Site
WINOOSKI – In an apparent attempt to sow confusion and discord, a group of college students has started an actual news site, named after popular […]
Syrup & Cows #161 – 7/5/20 – Sumo Distancing
Image Credits: Connor Byam.
VTRANS Gives Okay to Graffiti Artists
MONTPELIER – Vermont Transportation (VTRANS) official Graff Vitti says there is no problem with painting signs and pictures on bridges and street signs as long […]
Darwin Awards Website Melts Down with Overload of New Applicants
Officials at the prestigious, but one-time-only, Darwin Awards, have announced big problems with their website page that accepts applications. The Darwin awards recognize those who […]