The Winooski

The Winooski

Locally Sourced Organic Vermont Satire

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Articles by Paul Carpenter

Winter Driving Tips For Flatlanders

November 8, 2019 Paul Carpenter 4

***SEE NOTE AT BOTTOM*** With the first real snowfall of the season hitting Vermont this week, The Winooski wants to give all the flatlanders (and […]

Fire Chief Confirms Accuracy of “Road Closed” Sign

October 21, 2019 Paul Carpenter 0

BAKERSFIELD –  As the remnants of a nor’easter pounded Vermont with wind and rain yesterday, Bakersfield Fire Chief Curtis Barber spent the day convincing drivers […]

Annoyed Vermonters Choose New State Motto

July 20, 2019 Paul Carpenter 2

MONTPELIER – The votes are in and after 230 years Vermont has a new state motto. Starting in January of 2020 “I Don’t Care What […]

Maple Creemee Lovers Are the Fastest Growing Religious Demographic in the State

July 11, 2019 Paul Carpenter 1

BURLINGTON – New figures from Vermont’s Religious Data, Demographics, and Statistics Survey confirm what many Creemeelites have said for years, Maple Creemee consumers are the […]

Vermont Driving Instructor Fired For Teaching Students To Dim High Beams

June 29, 2019 Paul Carpenter 1

SAINT ALBANS – A Local driving instructor was fired recently over allegations he told students they are required to dim their vehicle’s high beams when […]

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Recent Posts

  • Texas Legislature Passes Emergency “Don’t Say Gun” Law May 25, 2022
  • Burlington Announces New High School To Be Built at 1 North Avenue August 19, 2021
  • Syrup & Cows #207 – 5/24/21 – First Day Back May 24, 2021
  • Syrup & Cows #206 – 5/16/21 – The Search Continues May 16, 2021
  • Syrup & Cows #205 – 5/9/21 – Unrecognizable May 9, 2021

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