WINOOSKI – Winooski resident Samantha Monteverdi was stunned to discover last week that she is not, in fact, from Vermont. The ugly truth came out at a meeting of local moms, at which Monteverdi casually mentioned her great-grandparents settling in the green mountain state from Italy.
“It was horrible,” claims another local mom who wishes to remain anonymous. “We all felt so betrayed. Sam always told us she was a Vermonter, but then to find out that her great-grandparents weren’t born here? Really, I don’t know if we can let Sam back in the group after this.”
State law dating back to the early 1800s, and recently renewed by governor Phil Scott, clearly restricts the title of “Vermonter” to anyone whose parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents were born in the state. Anyone else is, for legal purposes, designated a “Flatlander.”
“Honestly, I had no idea!” said Monteverdi, on the verge of tears. “My whole family has lived in the state for over a hundred years! I thought I was from Vermont! I don’t even know who I am anymore.”
An unscientific poll taken by The Winooksi found that local residents agree by a wide margin that ignorance is no excuse for flouting the law in cases as serious as this one. At press time, Monteverdi was considering a move to New Hampshire.