SAINT ALBANS – Former U.S. Secretary of State and presidential nominee Hillary Clinton was spotted in St. Albans this past weekend on the arm of South Canadian Secretary of Defense Brad Wetherby. They were seen eating at Bayside Pavillion and then walking together through St. Albans Bay Town Park holding hands, whispering, and giggling. Representatives for Mrs. Clinton declined to comment on the matter. Mr. Wetherby, however, contacted the press himself hoping to give a statement on the matter.
“I don’t know if you heard this, but me and Hillary are going together. I’m not supposed to tell anyone, but since she doesn’t read newspapers anymore I figure this is probably okay,” said Wetherby. “It’s going pretty well. She came up originally when we seceded to kind of see what was going on, and we just hit it off, you know? I have to sneak across the border to see her, but that kind of makes it more exciting. She’s a lot fancier than me, but it don’t matter. When she’s with me, she takes off her pantsuit and puts on her jeans. You know what they say, opposites attack. And we sure got attacked. By love.”
Wetherby says he is hoping to introduce Clinton to South Canada’s Secretary of State Angela Washington, because Washington “could probably use some pointers,” although he is concerned that sneaking an undocumented immigrant like Clinton across the border could present a conflict of interest with his role as Secretary of Defense.
Clinton’s reps had “absolutely nothing to say” on what they call the “rumors and exaggerations coming out of South Canada,” and representatives for former president Bill Clinton also declined to comment. When asked specifically about Clinton’s husband, Wetherby would only say that “Bill’s cool with it.”