The Winooski

The Winooski

Locally Sourced Organic Vermont Satire

  • Home
  • Vermont Life
    • Burlington
    • Montpelier
    • Southern Vermont
  • National
  • South Canada
  • Syrup & Cows
  • Contact

Month: September 2017

Jared Kushner Purchases Burlington Telecom, Immediately Files For Bankruptcy

September 30, 2017 The Winooski 0

BURLINGTON – Following the sudden exits of other potential bidders, the Burlington City Council has made the decision to sell Burlington Telecom to real estate […]

Congressman Welch Introduces Bill to Make Puerto Rico Count as America

September 29, 2017 The Winooski 0

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Vermont Congressman Peter Welch introduced new legislation yesterday to the U.S. House of Representatives that would force Americans to admit that Puerto […]

Sixteen-Year-Old Madison James Becomes South Canadian Speaker of the House

September 28, 2017 The Winooski 1

SOUTH CANADA – As South Canada continues to fine-tune its system of government, an unlikely leader has emerged in the form of high school junior […]

Church Street Struggles to Cope With Entire Protest-Free Day

September 27, 2017 The Winooski 0

BURLINGTON – Business owners on Church Street were left struggling yesterday after the cancellation of the “March For Justice” organized by civic group “Vermonters For […]

Local Evangelical Churches to Begin Hosting Dungeons and Dragons Games

September 26, 2017 The Winooski 0

WINOOSKI – Several area churches have teamed up in a new campaign to get a more diverse crowd through their doors. The pastors have started […]

Vermont Cows Call For Ice Cream Boycott

September 25, 2017 The Winooski 0

SOUTH BURLINGTON – Eleven cows from a local dairy farm are picketing the Ben & Jerry’s Vermont headquarters calling for an immediate boycott on all […]

Syrup & Cows #016 – 9/24/17

September 24, 2017 The Winooski 0

Image Credits: Connor Byam.

Woman Acquitted of Assaulting Guest Who Touched Her Thermostat

September 23, 2017 The Winooski 0

HALIFAX – A woman in southern Vermont was acquitted yesterday of assaulting a houseguest who turned up the thermostat to 70 degrees. Astrid Kyligt of […]

Vermont Bears Draft Manifesto Challenging New Hunting Rules

September 22, 2017 The Winooski 0

JERICHO – Vermont bears are in the news again today after yet another administrative tussle with the state’s Department of Fish and Wildlife. This latest ursine uprising […]

Vermont Increases Bridge Funding as Troll Population Grows

September 21, 2017 The Winooski 1

STOWE – Many towns and cities across the state of Vermont are increasing their budgets this fiscal year in the areas of bridge construction and […]

Posts navigation

1 2 3 »

The Winooski E-mail Updates!

Check out the best of The Winooski over at VTDigger!

Other Places to Find Us

  • View thewinooski’s profile on Facebook
  • View thefakewinooski’s profile on Twitter
  • View thewinooski’s profile on Instagram

Recent Posts

  • Vermont Schools to Abollish Speling March 1, 2021
  • Syrup & Cows #195 – 2/28/21 – Spring Weather February 28, 2021
  • Barbershops and Hair Salons Proposed as Vaccination Sites February 22, 2021
  • Syrup & Cows #194 – 2/21/21 – Mars February 21, 2021
  • Burlington Mayoral Candidates Debate the Issues with The Winooski February 19, 2021

Recent Comments

  • Hugh Kidden on Burlington Mayoral Candidates Debate the Issues with The Winooski
  • Mark Demers on Syrup & Cows #191 – 1/31/21 – Redundant
  • Johnny Canuck on Patriots Storm Vermont Capitol to Thank Governor for Hard Work and Dedication
  • 2020: A Quick Look Back at the Year No One Wants to Look Back At – The Winooski on Vermont Sends Gift Basket to Iran, Asks to Be Left Out of Revenge Plans
  • 2020: A Quick Look Back at the Year No One Wants to Look Back At – The Winooski on 2019: A Look Back at Vermont’s Most Recent Year Ever

Back Issues

Copyright © 2021 | WordPress Theme by MH Themes