STOWE – Many towns and cities across the state of Vermont are increasing their budgets this fiscal year in the areas of bridge construction and bridge maintenance, due to the growing number of trolls that are taking up residence in the area. Stowe specifically has seen a 312% increase in the bridge repair budget, corresponding to their high number of reported trolls.
Much of the bridge budgets will go towards wi-fi connectivity under the bridges, which the trolls have deemed a vital service. Many of the state’s governance offices have troll members in some capacity, which has made getting funding for projects like these easier than in the past.
“We need the internet,” said confirmed troll Chad B. “Back in the old days we would sow fear and discontent in the villages, and if anyone came near our bridge we would eat them. Honestly, it was a lot of work. Now we just go online and we get far better results. I’m not trying to brag, but I think we might take the whole country down by the end of 2018. It’s a big project, but I think it’s going really well. Hope I didn’t just jinx it! Also, you suck, and your mother *$%#@s.”
With a recent study showing that Vermont has the highest troll population in the country, lawmakers and lobbyists have asked Washington for federal money for troll-related projects and are hopeful that grant money will be forthcoming. While no official national troll budget exists, the White House is said to very supportive of trolls in general, and plans to support them in any way they can going forward.
Image Credits: Gianina Lindsey.
Careful. Underground movements are often suspect.