SOUTH CANADA – As South Canada continues to fine-tune its system of government, an unlikely leader has emerged in the form of high school junior Madison James. James was elected to the South Canadian Congress in District 3, and has now been elected Speaker of the House, despite South Canada not officially having a House of Representatives.
“Yeah, we have a House of Representatives,” James told a reporter via the Facetime function on her new iPhone X. “On Tuesdays and Thursdays anyway. There are only five of us congresspeople, and the South Canadian constitution, which I have totally read by the way, so don’t assume I haven’t. Have you read it? Didn’t think so. Anyway, the constitution is basically a copy of the U.S. constitution, but with some parts whited out, and then some stuff added in the margins. And it says we should have a Senate and a House of Representatives, that part stayed in, but the number of people in each one got whited out, and nobody told us what to do, so I just decided. My colleagues were cool with it.”
James’ system involves the five congressional members serving as the Senate on Mondays and Wednesdays, and then convening as the House of Representatives on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Sessions are in the evenings after school and work let out, and then they all take a three day break from governance.
“It’s a pretty good system,” said District 1 Congressman Michael Marshall, a 42-year-old mechanic who has lived in South Canada since before the country was founded a few weeks ago. “Madison came up with it. She’s pretty smart and, honestly, she cares a lot more about this stuff than the rest of us. That’s why I voted for her for Speaker of the House. She may be young, but the age restrictions in the constitution were whited out, so she’s legally able to serve, and she’s doing a great job. I love the three-day weekends.”
James also won high praise from Secretary of the Treasury Alan Fletcher, who confirms that she acted as an intern during the constitutional convention during which the South Canadian founding document was edited. “Ms. James is just a wonderful girl. After my secretary disappeared, Madison was right there the whole night that we were hammering out which parts of the constitution to keep, and which parts to white out. She got us coffee, made photocopies, basically did anything we needed her to do. Even scanned the final document into the laptop herself and uploaded it to the town website. We really couldn’t have done it without her. I don’t remember whiting out those age restrictions, but I guess we must have. It was very late after all. And it all worked out in the end anyway, because she’s really serving the people of South Canada with a lot of passion. She’s got my vote whenever her term is up, although I’m not sure when that is.”
According to the South Canadian Constitution on the country’s website, congressional terms last for two years, with the exception of Congressional District 3 which is listed as having a congressional term length of six years.
You go, girl. Bout time we had a woman leader around here someplace.