Democrats Sweep National Elections on Pro-Vermont Platform

MONTPELIER – Vermont Democrats, and even their Republican Governor Phil Scott, are praising the results of yesterday’s national elections as a positive referendum on the green mountain state. Democrats won sweeping victories by wider than expected margins all over the country, which many point to as a sign that the country is ready to become more like Vermont.

“There’s no question,” said Vermont Lt. Governor Dave Zuckerman. “People all over American are looking at Vermont and thinking, how can we be more like them? We’ve had very liberal politics up here for generations, and people are starting to get the message. Vermont is the best place in the country.”

“As a Republican, I feel for my party,” said Governor Phil Scott, “but as you know, I am a Vermont Republican, which is more like a Texas Democrat. I’m conservative, yes, but only compared to those nutty progressives. People know this. Those Virginia Democrats and Georgia Democrats that won big last night, they’re like Vermont Republicans, and they know that what’s best for Vermont is what’s best for everyone.”

In all of the exit polls conducted during yesterday’s elections, very few voters chose “Be more like Vermont” as a reason for their vote, although exit polls are not always statistically accurate. Vermont often tops “Best States to Live In” lists, with Burlington specifically cited frequently as a top city in which to live, work, or raise children. Whether or not that influenced people’s votes further south cannot scientifically be proven with the data at hand, but since data is not a top contributor to people’s worldviews, The Winooski can definitively claim that it is a fact that Vermont-envy was a primary factor influencing the 2017 election cycle.