Vermonters File Class Action Suit Against the Wind

MONTPELIER – After the devastating wind storms that swept the state over the past few weeks, a group of Vermonters has banded together to file a class action suit against the wind itself, claiming that the recent weather was not in compliance with Vermont’s new wind noise rules. Reading from a prepared statement, a representative from the group explained the action to a small crowd gathered outside of the statehouse Monday morning.

“With regards to the damage caused by the wind, many steps have been taken to restore power and clear roads, but little attention has been paid to the less visible damage caused by that rude and disrespectful force of nature. Sleep was lost. Hearing may have been damaged. Other long-term effects yet to be studied could appear in the future. And we will not stand for this. We are a state of laws, and these laws must be obeyed for the protection of all. It is for this reason that we seek damages of no less than eight million dollars from the wind for the blatant and continued disregard for the clear rules that set a daytime limit of 42 decibels of sound from wind and 39 decibels at night. These levels were more than doubled, and we continue to pay the price. Does the wind feel that the rules don’t apply to it? No, it is time for the wind to pay.”

A spokesman for the wind dismissed the suit as “frivolous,” and was confident that the wind would win in court if it came down to a trial.

“Look, those rules are for turbines, not for the actual wind, so we feel that the rules don’t apply to us. And also, the new restrictions only apply to new projects We feel certain that, as a project that has gone on continuously for billions of years, we are in the clear. The wind has done nothing wrong, and we will fight this all the way to the supreme court if need be. The wind does not settle. It unsettles. See you in court.”