Explosion at UTC Plant Caused by South Canadian Operatives

VERGENNES – Tensions are running high between the U.S. and South Canada after it was revealed that the recent explosion at the UTC Aerospace Systems plant was the result of an attack by undercover operatives from the tiny country just north of Vermont and south of Canada. South Canada has not claimed responsibility for the attack, but grainy video footage retrieved from the wreckage appears to show South Canadian Secretary of the Treasury Alan Fletcher planting some sort of device at the site just minutes before the detonation.

Fletcher denies any involvement in the bombing, and maintains that he was at home on Friday during the time of the explosion, although he has no witnesses that can place him there at that time. More troubling for the cabinet member is the “Alan E. Fletcher” business card found near the plant. The card is old, still naming him as the town clerk and treasurer of Richford, VT, but will still count against him as evidence if he stands trial.

Whether or not Fletcher will stand trial in the U.S. is unclear. The U.S. Department of Homeland Security has asked for Fletcher to be extradited from South Canada, but has heard nothing from South Canadian President Charlene “Skunk” Bedard. The only senior administration member from South Canada to weigh in has been Secretary of Defense Brad Wetherby.

“Nah, I don’t think he did it,” Wetherby told reporters, who were lined up three deep outside the border wall on Friday evening. “I mean, look at the guy. Have you met Alan? He didn’t blow anything up. But don’t worry, I’m gonna figure it out. I’m putting a team together. We’ll get the guy who did this.”

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