Suspect Named in Vergennes Bombing; South Canada Cleared

VERGENNES – Police have named a suspect in the UTC Plant bombing that occurred on December 8th. The explosion was previously thought to be caused by South Canadian Treasury Secretary Alan Fletcher, but new evidence last week appeared to clear Fletcher of any crime. After an Alan Fletcher costume was discovered in a lockbox near the plant, investigators were able to analyze the latex mask and have pulled prints and DNA from the mask. The lead suspect in the case is now Amy Feznickle, Fletcher’s former secretary. The above photo was taken from her Facebook profile and is the only image of Feznickle that is currently publicly available.

Feznickle, who has not been seen since the secession of Richford, VT, now has a warrant out for her arrest and is considered extremely dangerous. There is some internal confusion as to her nationality, as she was technically a resident of Richford at the time of secession, but has not been seen there since the ratification of that vote. South Canada is claiming that she is not a citizen of their country, and has never set foot in that country. The U.S. also denies her citizenship, asserting that, as a Richford resident, she lost her U.S. citizenship after the secession.

Fletcher himself had mixed feelings when he heard the news.

“I mean, I’m relieved to be off the hook, sure,” Fletcher told reporters outside his home Friday morning, “but Amy? It doesn’t make sense. She was my running mate during the election! She’s stood by my side for years! There’s no way she could have done this. I trusted her with all of my personal information. Heck, when I needed that mold of my face done for that Halloween mask I was making, I knew who to trust! This has to be a mistake. If you do see her, please tell her to call me. I’m very worried.”

Despite Fletcher’s protests, South Canadian Secretary of Defense Brad Wetherby says he is not surprised by this new information. Wetherby and his team discovered the lockbox that cleared Fletcher, and they have now returned to South Canada.

“I never liked Amy,” Wetherby told the reporters outside of Fletcher’s home. “Always seemed like she was up to something. Hey, how come you all are over here at Alan’s and not at my place? I found the creepy mask. Don’t you want to ask me about it? I got lots of bad stuff to say about Amy.”

The Winooski was unable to reach any of Feznickle’s family for comment, and could also find no official record of an “Amy Feznickle” in any available public documents.

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