FAIRFAX, VA – In a bizarre twist of reality, The Winooski has discovered evidence that the National Rifle Association (NRA) has been paying actors to attend in-person rallies and to create social media posts with the express purpose of convincing the public that the actual protesters and survivors of gun violence are paid actors themselves. Attempting to de-legitimize the voices of those affected most deeply by gun violence, the NRA’s squad of highly trained actors has been very active in online groups, posting many pictures and videos of the speeches and marchers, always with very similar derogatory statements and false claims that the people involved are paid actors.
Some of the proof that has been uncovered includes:
- These NRA employees vehemently deny being paid actors. If someone was being paid not to break character, one would have to deny being a paid actor, which proves that they must be one.
- Many of the anti-protest shills get very emotional. Only actors are able to summon up strong emotions in upsetting situations.
- The NRA actors repeat similar or identical messages. Often their wording is exactly the same as other people from around the county, including quotes such as “Paid actors!” and “Stupid bitch!” How could multiple people describe the same set of circumstances with such similar dialogue unless it was completely scripted and made up?
- Their statements contradict certain established personal worldviews, which makes them false.
- No actual human being would ever be that cruel and evil, unless paid to do so. For other examples, see the U.S. Congress.
This is some of the same proof that the NRA has used in their assertions that the student victims are paid actors, so by using their own logic (thanks for doing the legwork for us on this one!), anyone claiming that violence survivors are paid actors must be a paid actor themselves. This cannot stand. Please reply to every one of their comments and posts with the message “How much is the NRA paying you to say this? Go back to acting school, you hired hack!” The Winooski will pay handsomely for each reply you make with that specific wording. All commenters must have a B.A. in theater and at least 3 years of fake posting experience. Contact H.R. for payment details.
Image Credits: VT Digger.
How do we know if this article was written by a reporter or an actor convincingly playing a reporter? And how do we know if this reply was written by me or by a professional actor who is more me than me?
This is like that article you had about how satire becomes real news and can’t therefore be satire anymore, and vice versa. Now my head hurts…