COLCHESTER – After several months of closure and subsequent reconstruction, the Colchester Causeway is back, bigger and better than ever before. Officials are stoked to announce that the causeway, which once served as a bike path connecting Colchester and the Hero Islands, has been widened, reinforced with a concrete foundation, and outfitted with sick jumps.
“Sure, the old bike path was a classic,” stated Mayor Gerard Oxford, as he sipped a Monster Energy drink. “But for this new and improved causeway, we wanted to up the stakes a bit – change the game, y’know? We’ve already got bike paths all over the place. I mean, the whole damn state is basically one big bike path. But nobody’s ever done a monster truck path before.”
Colchester residents are amped up about the newly renovated causeway. “Hell yeah,” said local insurance agent Kip Morris. “I’ve always wanted to do donuts in the middle of Lake Champlain.”
Meanwhile, officials report that the Island Line Bike Ferry has been replaced by a high-speed rocket boat.