SOUTH CANADA – In an effort to improves relations between the two nations, and presumably in response to the fact that most people have never heard of their country, South Canada is sending their top historian to the United States for a lecture series to educate people on its brief history. Founder and Director of the South Canada Historical Society Christopher Johnson will be making his first appearance in the U.S. on Sunday for a presentation at The INN in Montgomery Center, Vermont. Normally we acknowledge that most of our news is made up, but this is actually true. Johnson will be presenting as part of the Celebration of Expressive Arts at 7 PM on Sunday, July 29th, and promises to fully educate people about his home country.
“They said I had 15-20 minutes,” Johnson told The Winooski, which seems like a long time to me. I’ve never done this before, and there really isn’t that much history. We have a rich history, but it’s not that deep. It’s like a chocolate cake from one of them fancy restaurants you can’t afford. You only need a couple bites and then you’re stuffed. That’s what South Canada is like. Fancy cake. But you’ll see when you come to my presentation.”
Johnson says he is pleased that history is finally being recognized as an expressive art, which he thinks is partially due to the bold artistic expressions put forth by the Trump administration in how they artistically edit history into something more pleasing to their eyes. At this point Montgomery is the only stop on Johnson’s tour, but he’s hopeful that if the evening is a success he may have further opportunities to spread the word about South Canada further afield.
“We’ll see how it goes,” Johnson said. “If people are excited about it, who knows? We may try to get into Berkshire, or even East Franklin. That would be wild! Can you imagine me in East Franklin? Most of my family’s never even left South Canada.”
Johnson will be speaking, reading, and possibly singing (?) at the CES event on Sunday, and will also be selling special South Canada bookmarks that he made himself for $2 each.
Montgomerites are very excited to learn more about South Canada! We are a bit jealous that we were not consulted when the country was born, seeing as how we are good neighbors and might have been (could be!?) good citizens of South Canada! Welcome to the CEA at The INN in Montgomery, Christopher Johnson. There just might be some of that fancy cake of which S.C. is made!
Tempting him with S.C. fancy cake sounds like dirty pool to me.