SHELDON – You don’t need to go to the English countryside to see crop circles anymore. Now you can see them right here in Vermont, and they aren’t just circles. Alert readers of The Winooski will remember Hoss Steer mentioning local farmer Gardiner Greene seeing the figure of Ethan Allen in his crop circles and now Greene has confirmed to The Winooski that the image of the beloved Vermont patriot has returned to his fields. “It’s not just Allen this time; it’s him and the 83 Green Mountain Boys that took Fort Ticonderoga, with their tricorner hats, bayonets, and everything!” Where previous images lasted only a few hours, this field army has lingered for weeks, allowing representatives from the Vermont History Expo to get enough footage for a documentary tentatively titled Mowing Militia Men: A Study of the Appearance of Ethan Allen and His Troops in the Literal Fields of Vermont.
Greene says, “I’m not one to brag, but seein’ as Allen was a bit of tall tale teller himself, I can tell ya I’ve been seeing the hero since I was 5, and now I’m 80. Glad them guys finally got footage to prove I’m sane.”
As a likely descendant of Allen herself, this reporter, Jill Allen of Burlington, wonders why Ethan would reveal himself to someone without his surname. “Nonetheless, I’m just thrilled these grassy guys appeared at all. Ethan’s a source of state pride.” Hoping to capitalize on this state pride, Ethan Allen Furniture plans to make a limited edition chair featuring the image of the crop soldiers on it.
Edith Ealing of ECHO, Leahy Center for Lake Champlain in Burlington, adds, “Our board is in talks with the Senator to see if we can add Ethan’s name to the science center, without offending our illustrious congressman.”
It looks like even some flatlanders want in on the action. Perry Scope, host of the award-winning Iowa-based TV show “Scoping Out the Paranormal,” says he’s in talks with Al and Phil Indeed, makers of the documentary, about turning the whole phenomenon into a feature-length horror motion picture. “It’s no longer the little green men in spaceships we have to fear. Instead, it’s huge green soldiers!” If all goes as planned, Scope promises that his film “Fearing Private Allen” will premiere in 2020.