The Winooski

The Winooski

Locally Sourced Organic Vermont Satire

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Month: August 2018

Champlain Valley Fair Applies to Be an Official Magnet School

August 31, 2018 The Winooski 0

ESSEX JUNCTION – After years of lower attendance caused by school schedules that have crept further and further back into August, the Champlain Valley Fair […]

Survey: 84% of Americans Don’t Know What State Vermont is In

August 30, 2018 The Winooski 1

WHITE RIVER JUNCTION – A national poll conducted by RSG (Resource Systems Group) has found that 84% of Americans are not sure which state Vermont […]

Safety Advocates Move to Ban Umbrellas After School Lockdown

August 29, 2018 The Winooski 1

LYNDONVILLE – An advocacy group made up of local parents and other community members has set their sights on umbrellas after a safety incident that […]

New Study By Vaping Companies Finds Link Between Vaping and Smoking “Total Coincidence”

August 28, 2018 The Winooski 0

MONTPELIER – New research shows that Vermont’s rising smoking rates have nothing to do with the popularity of vaping, according to a new joint study […]

Crop Circles in the Shape of Ethan Allen Appear in Sheldon Fields

August 27, 2018 Jill Allen 0

SHELDON – You don’t need to go to the English countryside to see crop circles anymore. Now you can see them right here in Vermont, […]

Syrup & Cows #064 – 8/26/18 – Batter of Water

August 26, 2018 The Winooski 0

Image Credits: Connor Byam.

Red Sox Lose to Patriots 14-3 When Confused Team Shows Up to Wrong Venue

August 25, 2018 The Winooski 0

BOSTON – In a game that was both exhilarating and puzzling, the Boston Red Sox lost their first game to the New England Patriots last […]

Horror Movie Lobby Convinces State To Pull Rural Cell Phone Coverage

August 24, 2018 The Winooski 0

MONTPELIER – If you think it’s safe to assume you’ll have cell phone service while driving down that dusty back road towards that lone gas […]

Celestial Bovine Seen Over Local Milk Producer’s Land

August 23, 2018 Jill Allen 0

SHELDON – “I knew right away it was a holy cow, when I first saw it shining over there a month ago!” enthused Ima Steer […]

Separated-at-birth Twin Candidates Prompt Revote Demand

August 22, 2018 The Winooski 0

RUTLAND – Voters have demanded a revote in the Rutland County Senate primary, saying that two of the gray-haired white men running for the office look […]

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