Safety Advocates Move to Ban Umbrellas After School Lockdown

LYNDONVILLE – An advocacy group made up of local parents and other community members has set their sights on umbrellas after a safety incident that cause Lyndon Institute to go into a full lockdown on the first day of classes. One town resident was made to feel unsafe after seeing a student walking to school with an umbrella, and now Parents Saying Yes to Creating Harmless Opportunities are demanding that the town, and the state, take action.

“People are being made to feel unsafe,” said Al Laramee, founder and head of P.S.Y.C.H.O. “It doesn’t matter if they are actually unsafe, it only matters that they feel that way, and no one can enjoy life to the fullest if they feel unsafe. That’s why we are pushing for a ban on high-capacity umbrellas, which we define as any umbrella over 8″ in length.”

The parents who have been flooding the offices of their elected officials with calls, do not feel that potential rain is any excuse for carrying an umbrella. “We have a kid here who was walking down the road with a threatening weapon, and it wasn’t even raining,” Laramee said. “Sure, it was in the forecast, but who can put any confidence in the forecast? We can only react to what is in front of us at the time, so it is vitally important that no one ever feel threatened.”

Opponents of the umbrella ban have asked for research to be done that could potentially determine whether or not umbrellas are in fact deadly threats. Unfortunately the state cannot legally carry out such research, as the study of umbrella safety has been made illegal in Vermont thanks to the work of lobbyists from Big Raincoat.

Liked it? Take a second to support The Winooski on Patreon!
Become a patron at Patreon!

1 Comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.