“In the wake of the editorial found by Ethel Merman, I was really surprised that a representative from Champlainia Merstate stopped by so quickly to purchase a thousand waterproof wheelchairs,” says Helen Weals, proprietor of the Burlington-based Wheely Sexy, provider of fashionable rolling conveyances. “I’d never seen a Champlainian before, and Merr E’en scared me at first, not gonna lie, but they ended up being really congenial. In fact, they asked me out on a date!”
“When I said the editorial stated that Champlainians do not find humans attractive, E’en rolled their eyes and told me the issue of attraction to humans was something that sometimes developed, but often went unrequited because merpeople were loath to fall into the stereotypes of themselves upheld by human fairy tales. I explained to Merr that I was not single, whereupon they got really embarrassed, and they ended up ordering more vehicles in their chagrine. It was a good sales day!”
This writer here at The Winooski is, in fact, single, and we
begged politely asked Weals for E’en’s contact information. Weals refused, saying we weren’t E’en’s type, as neither humans nor merpeople liked desperation. After this conversation, we can report with great confidence that they are both very jealous of us.