Burlington Approves Commercial Buildings as Residences in Attempt to Increase Housing

BURLINGTON – After 20 years of dwelling at the Aubuchon’s in South Burlington, Kant Reed is excited to move back to downtown Burlington to dwell in the newly proposed Ace Hardware on Church Street. Burlington recently relaxed their zoning laws regarding housing in an attempt to mitigate the current housing crisis without actually having to approve any new construction. South Burlington, often regarded as “The Mos Eisley of Chittenden County” has a history of looking the other way when it comes to matters housing and zoning.Aubuchon’s store manager Golden Silver says, “We’re really gonna miss Kant around here; Even though he can’t really read, he can find anything in the store. I swear, he’s got a photographic memory.” Reed’s literacy teacher, Stuart Dent, from Readinggo, Inc., pushed back against Silver’s claim, avering his pupil’s literacy has increased greatly over the years. “The silent E is hard to master. I’m amazed by the grit of my adult students as they keep plugging away at this skill. The amount of triumph they feel upon getting their literacy certificate from here is amazing.” When pressed for comment as to his reason for moving, Reed says, “Can’t get anywhere from here [South Burlington]. Much easier to walk to places downtown. Plus, Ace gives out free popcorn.” The new Ace’s owner, Sterling Freeh, informs The Winooski that he is working with Vermont Department of Labor to hire Reed. “While literacy is important, it seems to me that as long as I’m housing Kant, his encyclopedic knowledge of hardware would make him a great employee.” Asked about the possibility of working for Freeh, Kant responds, “Long as the bank is within walking distance of Ace, so I can deposit my check, I’m good.” Encouraged by Reed’s example and citing a dearth of affordable housing in the state, other Vermont housing agencies are reaching out to businesses about letting applicants live in their retail space and becoming employees in their franchises.

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