WASHINGTON DC – In a move presumed to be retaliation for the cancellation of her scheduled trip to Afghanistan to support US troops abroad, US Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi has publicly cancelled Barron Trump’s upcoming birthday celebration that was to be held in two months. Barron will turn 13 on March 20th and had a major blow-out planned, but Speaker Pelosi has shut it down in a letter to the son of the President.
“Dear Barron,” she writes, “I’m sorry to inform you that, due to the governmental shutdown it is inappropriate at this time to have any sort of celebration, and certainly not when so many members of the birthday team are on furlough. It seems unlikely that we will be able to fly Cardi B in as planned, as our security team is halved and our planes are grounded. We also cannot take the chance that one of our friends might be a terrorist, as they mostly seem to be white male American high school students with traditional values, which as you know is the most dangerous group of people in the country. We just don’t have the resources to screen them all at this time.”
Pelosi went on to explain that Barron was welcome to hang with her on his birthday, mentioning her “slammin’ taco bowls” and her access to Rated R movies on Netflix.
The White House responded by knocking over a snowman that was built by one of Pelosi’s grandchildren.